Semester One & Other Thoughts

I never seem to be able to write on here as much as I want to— school, work, or some other distraction always whisks me off, keeping me from typing away as I am now. With my first semester at UNC finished, and the holiday season coming up, I finally have time to actually share some thoughts and reflections with you all. Maybe a little too much time, actually— I’ve only been home for two days and I’m already stir-crazy. All jokes aside, it’s nice to have a change of pace in my life. The last semester has been a whirlwind for me, full of changes, stresses, and so much that was out of my control. Now that I’ve returned home, my life has been filled with a refreshing stillness. The world seems much more gentle and quiet. The trees here in WNC have all shed their leaves, and winter seems to be creeping in, day by day. I usually despise winter and its lull, but this year I’m welcoming the season’s change. It’s not the snow or cold I crave, really, but that peace. I’m looking forward to the calm.

The semester started off quite hot, and the AC in our apartment was working overtime to keep our little yellow haven at a reasonable temperature. My roommates and I spent most of our time indoors, hiding from the sun and preoccupied with school work. Honestly, we didn’t do too much— our first few months were confined by our naïveté as new college students. We had no real idea what to do with ourselves besides sit in our humble abode and occasionally venture onto Franklin Street. Somewhere in between then and now, though, things shifted around. My roommate Jake ended up spontaneously going to D.C., and Ella and I soon followed suit, taking the four hour drive up to escape Chapel Hill (trip content coming soon, I promise!).

During all of this, so much was changing in my life, and I despise change. It seems to me that the general theme of my life right now is learning to live with change and uncertainty. As an obsessive planner, when things don’t go as expected, I feel as if I’ve been tossed off a ship at sea and I don’t know how to swim (which is true, I’m not the most gifted swimmer.) I had a set idea of how this semester, this school year, and my whole college experience would go. Already, in the short few months I’ve been here, that ideal has rendered itself useless, all due to factors largely out of my control. The biggest lesson I’ve learned over the course of this semester, really, has nothing to do with the classes I was taking— I’ve learned the power of letting go. I always hold so tightly to those ideals, those plans and perfect dreams. It hurts when things don’t go as planned— when situations rearrange themselves and leave me in the dark, wondering where to go next. That uncertainty, though, is okay. I’m glad to be making peace with the unstable nature of life itself. After all, if you don’t want to sink, you have to learn to swim.

Talk to you all soon.

XX,

Sadie Jane